Why being alone is difficult?

We all need to have time for ourselves as women.

It is summer. We have long and sunny days, so I have met some friends for a picnic. During our conversation, a topic that caught my attention was that many women don’t know how to enjoy time by themselves. Why does this occur?

I love to be and do things with my partner, family, and friends, but I also enjoy having time for myself, and I mean alone. Often people ask how can I do things by myself, for example, go to a movie hall, restaurant, museum, etc. I think it is a necessary space and time we all need to embrace and learn. 

During the conversations at the picnic, a friend, who is a mother of two and has five days to be alone was not happy with the idea. Another friend told her that if the case were  hers, she would surely stay home, sleep, hear music, have a drink, take a sauna, and chill. 

Unfortunately, this is not the only case I know. Another friend, who is also a mother, has a hard time sleeping when her little one is with her dad. Should it be the contrary? 

As a feminist and an activist, it also happens to me that I don’t take time for myself because I want to participate and give the best. Last year, in December, I almost got burned out after organizing several activities. 

Luckily, another friend made me understand that it is always good to take time off, so I did. 

Hearing my friends’ experiences made me realize that being alone and enjoying time alone as a woman, is not easy for everyone. But this is not their fault since women’s leisure has been interrupted and scheduled over centuries. First, women’s tasks are endless in the family and society, so many times they do not have the moment for themselves, as men do. 

Second, this leisure time has become her greatest enemy because she feels like she does not deserve it. On the contrary, she feels like she got to earn it. Third, it is not easy that all women understand that it is a right to have leisure time as a woman and that it is not wrong. 

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming women to feel guilty. In opposition, I want you to realize that you have the right for time off as a woman. I would be so happy to know that you can have a precious moment as a woman by unplugging yourself as a wife, mom, friend, feminist, worker, etc. Please take a self-care, pamper yourself, enjoy the moment. It is not a crime, it’s a right. 

I like to pamper myself by:

  • Getting a massage
  • Reading a book with a cup of coffee
  • Jogging and yoga-ing
  • Meeting new places and people
  • Being with friends when I want
  • Visiting the forest 
  • Sitting at the beach
  • Have a good wine and meal
  • Sleeping
  • Not doing anything, being alone.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare,” Audre Lorde